sometimes they walk all over it...

Why does being a mother hurt so bad sometimes?!?!?!  It really stinks when you get along so well with your child but those few times that things aren't going so well it's like someone's ripping your guts out!  It stinks having to be the "adult" and the one that has to point out the rules, and enforce them.  It's so hard when your kids are normally so well behaved but there's always that one issue that turns around and bites ya in the backside!  Ours, with one of the kids, is homework.  Why can't they just bring their stinkin stuff home?!?!?!  I'll tell you why, because he knows he can make an A even without doing it.  So what's the point in fighting over it?!?!  It's called teaching them responsibility.  When your "boss" tells you to do something you do it, like it or not!  It kills me to tell him for weeks, even months, to bring it home do it and then make sure it gets turned in.  We fight about it at least once a week!  Yesterday I finally had to put my foot down.  I took something pretty important to him, and me, away from him for the night and he was not very happy.  He had the nerve to get mad at me.  Why do they do that?!?!?!  How do they know the days that  you're gonna lose it?  All I could do was stand there and cry.  I was already so upset about having to discipline him and then he had the nerve to act like it was my fault, REALLY?!?!?!  It hurt my feelings so bad.  Then I was even more upset for letting my emotions get the best of me.  Why can't I just be firm and fake it, wait to cry til he walks away?!?!  That's twice in a week he's made me cry and he doesn't even know why!!!!!  Maybe it's a teenager thing; though I sure hope not cause we're only at the very beginning of those years.  It just breaks my heart first to have to discipline, then for him to get mad at me, and then for him to stomp on my heart when it's already hurting?!?!  Sometimes I'd like these 6 feet off my heart!!

I know it's lots of rambling this time, I just can't get over how perfect these 6 feet can be and how hurtful they can be at the same time!  I know most, if not all of you who have kids have felt this way before and if not, though I pray it doesn't happen to you, I'm afraid it's inevitable!!  Glad they're all in God's hands cause if it was left up to me....  well, I just know I couldn't do it!

Anyway, again, sorry for all the rambling.  Sometimes I guess I'm just gonna use this to get stuff off my chest!

Til next time....

Peace out!

in honor of...

So this month is Breast cancer awareness month.  My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 years ago.  She endured a TON of agony over that year of her life and has been cancer free since then.  This background is in honor of her!  I love you mom!!!

On to a completely different subject, bible study tonight!
I'm loving this study of becoming a woman of grace.    I'd just like to share some things that "jumped out" at me this past week in the study.

"... base our freedom on biblical truth - not on traditions or on other's opinions of what is true."
Romans 14:21 tells us to not do anything that could cause our brother to fall.
Hebrews 13:9 says "... do not be carried away by strange teachings..."
2 Peter 3:17-18 tells us to "... grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ..."
"But the one who imposes the law upon a believer, whether himself of another, by that very act denies the need of dependence upon God and thereby commits sin."  J.F.Strombeck
We should be acting on our security in Christ and the freedom that His truth brings, no other people's ideas of what is right!  Our purpose should be to please God only!  We should ask ourselves, "If I do this, will it bring glory to God?"
"Legalism exalts the flesh and stifles the Spirit; liberty grounded in truth stifles the flesh and exalts the Lord."   Cynthia Heald
"If we engage in particular rituals and keep certain rules, we always know where we stand.  If we know what we can do that will make us more acceptable in God's eyes than a person who doesn't do them, we, by doing them, can advance our status.  Such a religion puts us in control.  We no longer have to live by faith, trusting God to accept us in mercy...   What we are being offered is a security system in which we do not have to live by faith, will not have to trust in God, but can trust instead in ourselves."  Eugene Peterson

I know this is a lot of what other people have to say, but these are the things that really stuck out to me.  It scares me to think of all the "rules" I may be "following" to try to stay where I think I need to be in God's eyes.  I don't want to be trusting on everyone elses rules I want to trust in God's grace to keep me close to him.  I want only to live for Him, not the world or its list of rules.  I also don't want to be the one creating rules!  I hope to always be only sharing what is biblical, to only be sharing the grace of God that I cling to. To never be the judger, and that's VERY hard!!!  My prayer is that I will be a light to show others the grace of God.  So that all will see, in me,  that we don't have to follow all the rules, we have to follow God!

Anyway....     TTFN!!!!

warning: do not read if eating!!!

Oh the joys of motherhood!!!  Last night started out as a pretty relaxing night.  We all just hung out at home nothing to do.  I put Jordyn to bed at about 8:30 and made Travis go to my room to watch TV, John John and Fabian were outside with a girl which is a whole nother story in itself.  I climbed onto the couch to watch some DVR'd shows, debated for a couple hours whether or not to take a shower.  John was outside getting ALL his stuff ready for fishing out of town today.  I had just decided to go shower and change clothes when I hear Jordyn kind of fussing.  I thought John had gone in there to tell her goodnight and had woken her up and she was mad, whining at him.  Much to my surprise I turned the corned to her room and her door was still shut.  I opened it finding no John but Jordyn, on her knees crawling around crying, "it hurts, ouch,hurting".  I tried to pick her up, to settle her down, but when I touched her she got more upset.  She just cried louder about it hurting and wouldn't really wake up.  She kinda started to cough and I asked her if she needed to potty.  She said yes so I took her to the bathroom and helped her pull down her panties and she peed.  As she was about to stand up to pull her panties up she coughed real big and started to throw up.  I immediately grabbed her to try to turn her around to the toilet but when I touched her I realized she wasn't breathing.  I thought maybe she was just crying and couldn't catch her breath but she nearly instantly started jumping up and down and flailing around, turning blue.  She was choking! I panicked and started to scream for John, having no idea if he could even hear me. I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder beating on her back.  What seamed like 30 min. couldn't have been more than 2, and finally she coughed and took a deep breath.  I sat her down on the bathroom floor and by now we're both covered in her vomit.  I pulled up her night gown and bent down to take off her panties so I could just put her in the bath tub.  As I squat down she proceeds to throw up again...  IN MY FACE!!!!!!  I thought I was gonna DIE.  Most anyone that knows me very well knows that I don't do throw up anyway so the whole event was excruciating for me to begin with, but then IN MY FACE?  Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!  I nearly dropped her to the floor, luckily John had just walked in so he grabbed her.  All I could do was point at her, then at the tub, then at my face.  I turned and almost jumped into the sink to wash.  It took all I had inside me to not vomit right there along with her.  After I had scrubbed as good as I could I relieved John to clean up the ankle deep puke all over the bathroom floor while I finished bathing Jordyn.  He cleaned up the mess while I got her ready for bed again.  He blew up the infamous blow up mattress, that is reserved for the floor in our room for sick children, and got her a bucket.  I put her in bed and went back to the bathroom to bleach the floor and make sure the lysol was dripping down the walls!  I then RAN to my shower to scrub my self til I nearly bled.  As I'm standing in the shower completely irritated I became totally overwhelmed, suddenly, by the memory of my precious little girl jumping up and down flailing around because she couldn't breath.  I instantly was no longer irritated just so completely thankful that my daughter was "ok".
I, knowing how these viruses run, knew we were gonna be up all night.  I climbed into bed, thinking I better steal as much shut eye as I can while I can, and fell asleep right away.  I woke up every time she even flinched.  Coincidently, she slept all night!!  She woke up at about 8:15 this morning, first asking why she was in my room on the mattress and in the next sentence asking if she could have breakfast.  I just kinda looked at her, wondering why she asked about being in my room, and then told her to wait a few minutes to make sure that she wasn't gonna throw up.  She looked at me like I was crazy and says, "I didn't throw up mommy".  She doesn't remember any of it.  I guess that's probably a blessing since it was so traumatic for me.  No need both of us have that memory!
She was completely fine all day, and she went to bed just fine tonight.  I'm not sure what was up, but I'm so glad it didn't return!

you all know what I mean...

Okay, so I stole this from one of John's cousins off facebook but I thought it was hilarious!!!!

Word of today: ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT: The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

making something so simple so complicated

So, my regular Monday night bible studies have begun again (thank the Lord, I miss them desperately during hiatus).  This session we are studying becoming a woman of grace.  Tonight we were discussing how it's so simple yet we all are trying so hard to find something more.  Like we're missing something.  It's so hard to realize that something so powerful as God's grace is really so simple for us to have.  We were talking about the peace you feel when you finally accept that grace and how unbelievable it feels.  Also, about how when you step away from that grace you know it immediately.  How often we do that.  It's amazing to me.  It's so simple to have and keep God's grace, why are we so stubborn to walk away from it sometimes?  How ignorant are we to think we can do it all on our own!  We can't and we don't even have to try.  Our faith in Him means that he is right beside us all the way through everything.  I like the saying, "if He brings you to it He'll bring you through it".  His grace is truly amazing!  It breaks my heart for those that have not realized it.  I don't know how they get through life, even day to day.  I know we are only human and because of that I'm so glad that I have God's grace to carry me through.  I can only hope and pray that I might become a woman of grace and pass it on!
Hhhmmm, hope that makes some kind of sense!  Anyway, totally off the subject...  John now has a commercial playing on the radio.  You should hear the kids, they are so excited to hear our "name" on the radio.  We must be famous or something :0)!!!  (NOT, but it's sweet that they think so).
Anyway, until something worth writing happens again...