And the story continues...

God is so amazing!  I mean, I know that, but when He shows us His awesomeness I just can't help but fall on my knees and be in awe!
Most of you know, if you're friends with me on FB or Instagram, that we have 2 sets of friends that have recently brought 2 little girls home from not only the same city but the same orphanage as Jadyn Grace.  It has been such an amazing thing to watch these 3 little girls play together and I can't wait to get to continue to watch them grow up with each other!  This part of the story in itself is truly a miracle.  3 little girls, 1/2 way across the world, born in the same city and given care from the same orphanage, end up being adopted within 18 months of each other and now live within 15 min of each other!!! BUT GOD!!!

But wait, there's more!!!
Last week, when we were finally able to get the girls together for the first time at home, we took a bunch of such cute pics. (I'm sure you guys saw them on social media :)!)  One of the other moms had the amazing idea of sending some of those pics to our agency (we all used the same agency for our adoption).  Their story is just to special to not share, I mean seriously!
After that, the same mom was in contact with other families that they had met while in China and one of the other families was able to find our friends daughters foster parents.  They sent her the email and my friend was so excited to get to send them an email with an update from since they've been home.  In that email my friend included some of the pics from when we got the girls together and their names in case they new either of them or knew who might and want to share them.
This morning my friend received an email from her daughters foster family.  It was all in Chinese so she started scrolling through the pictures they sent.  My friend noticed that there were a few pics OF JADYN GRACE!!!!!  She quickly did her best to translate the email and found that the foster parents were surprised to see Wu Ting in my friends pictures and were so thankful to see her and would like to hear from us!  JADYN GRACE AND MY FRIENDS NEW DAUGHTER HAD THE SAME FOSTER FAMILY!!!!  I mean, just to repeat what John said, and people say there's not a God!
I have wondered and prayed for 18 months for Jadyn Grace's foster parents.  Thanking God for them, for what great care they took of my precious girl, for the love they so clearly showed her.  I have prayed that somehow they would know that she is loved and means the world to us, that they would have peace and know that she is ok!
I can not WAIT to send them an email and thank them "in person"!
I have no words except, BUT GOD!
He is a good God.  He loves us and hears our every prayer.  He works in mysterious ways on our behalf.

I know it's been A LONG time since I've written.  I started an 18 month update and never finished.  I promise at some point I will do an update on how we're doing.  We are still learning and adjusting some but we are SO GOOD!
Thank you all for praying!  God hears and moves!
I can not wait to continue to watch this story, His story, unfold!

Oh what a year it has been

I simply CAN NOT believe it has been a year since they passed over this perfect angel into my arms.

My how God has moved!  It has been an amazing year of love, joy, learning, sadness, fear, and SO much more!  I can not even begin to explain all the things we have been through but what I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, is this little girl is LOVED and CHERISHED and exactly what God had planned for us.

In the past year she has grown tremendously.  Obviously her physical appearance has changed but that's just the surface.  She is SO smart!  He verbal skills are lightyears ahead of where we could've ever imagined they would be.  Her dr. says she's even "ahead" for an average 3 1/2 year old.  Her comprehension is astounding and her responses to instruction and redirection are so much more than I could've dreamed.  She is determined, every day, to do the big kid stuff.  I guess that's what happens when the closest sibling to you is 11!

As I said, it's not all been great.  This precious treasure was an orphan, she was abandoned, she had no family.  These things come up.  She is terrified of being left.  She has to be reassured every time she's dropped off anywhere that we are coming to get her, that we will not leave her.  She has asked questions of her home before, she has asked where she was before, she points out her differences, she opens doors and we walk through them slowly and at her pace.  In all the mess, in all the sadness, in all the chaos, our precious girl is loved.  She is learning that we are together forever!

What I know is this, she is loved by us; but even more importantly she is loved by God.  He has been with her since she was born.  He has never left her, He will never leave her.  She is His child, and my prayer is that one day she will chose Him as her Father.

Jadyn Grace, we love you!  We could never have known what this first year with you would bring, but it has been an AMAZING year and we are SO thankful for YOU!  We love you and can't wait to see what God is going to do in and through you in the years to come!

#countdowntooneyear

We are almost there.  The celebration of our gotcha day.  It's less than a week away!
I AM NOT READY!!!!
I have been an emotional wreck!
I can't tell you why, there is no logical explanation.  It's everything and nothing!
Yesterday was ROUGH; today, I've been able to not tear up when I talk about it.
I'M GOING INSANE!
We have a small family gathering planned, but I don't know if that's the right thing.
We've ordered a cake, and a special shirt, and decorations...  but sometimes when I think about it I don't want to make a big deal...
As one of my favorite writers would say "Oh the feels!"

Yes, I am FILLED with Joy!  It has been an AMAZING year, and we have been blessed BEYOND measure.  Jadyn Grace has surpassed our expectations in all parts of her life.  She is more precious than we could have ever imagined.  Some days my tears are filled with only joy.
But, sometimes my tears are filled with sorrow and confusion!  I know right now these things may not occur to her, but I read a blog one time written by an adoptee.  She talked about how sometimes "gotcha day" only reminded her of what she didn't know and/or of what she lost. I don't want to start a "party" tradition for an event that may only bring her sadness.  A day that may remind her of what she lost.  I, also, can't help but think of what she lost.  It's been a year and I started last night praying with her for her "family in China".  ( I think it's very important.  She is ready for a very generalized prayer for them and I want her to know we think of them and we should pray for them.) Who are they?  Do they wonder about her?  Do any of them, besides her mother and/or father, know she even exists? I also dread the questions it may bring.  Maybe not this year, maybe not til next year, but eventually she will wonder why we celebrate, and those questions will bring more questions and all of the answers may bring more sadness.  I just keep thinking about that as much as this day is a celebration it is also a reminder of loss.  And that is eating me up right now!  I know she will grieve. I am anticipating that, though probably will never be prepared.  I will answer every question she has with only the truth, the facts, whatever I know.  I will hold her, love her, pray with/over her, WHATEVER she needs to make it through those days.  But I do not ever want to be the cause of those emotions.  I don't ever want to do something, or say something that may bring her to a place she's not ready to go.
I guess my prayer is for discernment.  I hope that I know when and how, each year, to acknowledge this day that was such a joy filled day for us.  A day that I do believe she will forever be grateful for, but may bring other emotions as well. I read a blog the other day about a different situation, but she mentioned a scripture.  Psalms 56:8 "...Put my tears in Your bottle.  Are they not in Your book?"  Our Father in heaven knows every tear I've ever cried and every tear she's ever cried.  And He will continue to record them for the rest of our days.  He knows, He will comfort, He will provide, He will sustain, He will bring peace, and He will bring joy!  He has already shown me these things over and over this past few years!

Some Days...

Some days I think of the time we spent on the other side of the globe bonding with our baby girl. 

I think of the days that she just cried and cried.  I think of the days she laughed and played.

  

I want to remember every moment.  I feel like I didn't take enough pictures and I didn't cherish enough time there.  Sure, it's not like we were just wasting time; I mean, we were obviously totally preoccupied.  Some days I just miss it.  The innocence of those 10 days before the chaos of normal life.  The time we spent just loving each other, even through screaming tantrums or nonstop sobbing. I'm beyond thankful for where we are now, but some days I just wish we could go back.

  

Next time (if there is a next time) I will take more pictures, I will breath in more of that place, I will treasure my time there.

How can it be?!

Today makes 6 months since the day we met our precious princess.  I will never forget those first moments and days.  They were some of the most precious.
I, however, have thoroughly enjoyed watching and experiencing JG's growth over the last 6 months.  We have watched so many firsts through her eyes.  Some have been incredible moments, others, not so much.  She loves hard and hates hard.  She plays hard and sleeps hard.  She laughs hard and cries hard.
Her language skills have grown by leaps and bounds.  Her pediatrician is AMAZED every time she sees her.  We are amazed every day by the new things that come out of her mouth!
I would say the 2nd thing that I am amazed by is how incredibly we have all adjusted.  She, of course, has her days of sadness; but I of course have my days too!  She is so happy, so well behaved, so in love with all of us and we are so in love with her.  It's just so amazing!
The 3rd thing that has amazed me is how stinking fast her hair is growing!!!!!!  It's CRAZY! (and's it's driving me insane!)


God continues to amaze me in this whole process.  It seems like she's been with us all her life.  Her smile and laugh are incredibly contagious.  We could spend hours just watching her.
All I can say is GOD IS GOOD!!!  His love and grace never fail.  I have learned over the last 6 months SO much about grace.  His grace over me, I can't even fathom...

Thank you all so much for your continued prayers.
The best way to keep up with pictures and regular updates is facebook and/or instagram.  I will update this as much as I have time, but I have learned that a toddler keeps me VERY busy!

Her "first" birthday...

Today our baby girl turned 3.  

I have been full of emotions that I completely did not expect.

All I have been able to think about is her other "mama".

I can't imagine the heaviness of her heart today.

No matter where she is or what she's doing, it is not possible for her to not know what today is.

It breaks my heart the sadness she must feel.

The emptiness in her heart.

No matter the reason for her abandonment a mother gave birth to a baby girl, whom she cared for for the first 6 months of her life.  No way she feels nothing today!

I wish desperately I could find a way to let her know she's loved, she's perfect, she's everything I could ever dream she'd be.  

"Mama", we love you!

So, yes, our baby girl turned 3 today.  It's like her first birthday for us!  Another first, so many firsts...  We just got her answering the question "How old are you?" with "2" and holding up 2 fingers.  Now we start all over again with 3!  Thankfully I think it will happen pretty quickly.  

Her 3 year check up is next Monday.  I can't wait to see how much she's grown and what not.  It will be our first since China.

The next year of her life should prove to be lots more firsts and lots more learning.  I can not wait to watch her continue in it all.

Jadyn Grace, we love you more than you will ever know.  God blessed us with a treasure we could have never imagined.  Your spiciness and attitude fit in our family perfectly and your laugh and smile are contagious!  I can not wait to watch God continue to move and lead you and us into full trust.

You are my sunshine baby girl!

I love you! 

When the brokenness breaks through!

Oh how amazing things have been around here.  Our precious girl is still doing so well.  We are happy, we are having fun, we are laughing, we are playing, we are doing all things good!
We have been very busy as well, traveling.  JG's first Disney trip(s).  We went one weekend to the main parks and 3 weeks later to the water parks.  Oh what fun to watch her eyes light up.  Experiencing all these things with her is like us experiencing them all over again for the first time.  It's truly amazing.
And then it happens...  We have such a hard time remembering how broken our precious girl is.  We take for granted all the fun and joy and laughing.
And then it happens... We are in the midst of full blown laugh attack, joy filled, memory making, laughing and fun.  Then a sudden outburst of huge crocodile tears.  No warning.  Not mad or pain kind of crying but straight up sad!
Or, we are doing every day, monotonous, daily activities.  And suddenly there's quiet whimpering that turns into an all out cry fest.
Or, we are having fun playing and talking and meeting new people when suddenly theres a pause, a search for mommy or daddy, a sudden dash and quiet "no go bye bye" that accompanies a point to a new friend.
It's all SO heartbreaking.  Yesterday Jordyn asked, "Mommy, why is she so sad?"  (We had just experienced a time of unexplainable crying which Jordyn doesn't get to witness very often.)  I explained that our baby girl is so happy and well adjusted and always smiling and laughing that we often forget that she's still a very broken little girl with lots of adjusting on the inside to do still.  I told her we may experience these moments for a while, possibly forever.  She quietly replied, "yeah, I guess it's only been 3 months.  It's just so sad." Yes honey, sad is an understatement!

It breaks this momma's heart.  At first I expected it.  Of course it broke my heart, but I knew it was coming.  I knew certain things that caused the outbursts.  I knew topics and situations to avoid to help moments like that not happen.  But, the more time that goes by, the less often they happen.  And, we are in a new place of different things causing them.  They are totally unpredictable.  Sometimes all I can do is cry with her.  Sometimes she won't let me touch her. Sometimes she won't get out of my arms.  Sometimes it takes minutes of quiet talking or singing.  Sometimes it takes just a wipe of a tear.
Her sadness breaks me.  It makes me so aware of where she came from.  How much she just needs love.  How much I need to love her.
I'm so thankful that I get to be her mommy.  That we get to be her family.  That we get to be the ones to show her love, to show her God's love.  To teach her how to trust, how to love, how to know Christ.  Lucky is an understatement.  Blessed beyond imagine.  Honored and humbled.  Beside ourselves.