My heart...

What is on my heart???

My heart is breaking for orphans lately.  Well, for close to a year now.  I'm not sure why but God has laid them on my heart in a big way.  I've delayed blogging about this because writing it down makes it even more real, but I need a way to journal all of this and you know, awareness and some prayer partners can't hurt so... 

Like I said before, God has laid orphans on my heart in a big way over the past 9-10 months.  My heart is broken for them.  All over the world there are children starving, hungry, being abandoned, being sold, being used, being abused, and countless other horrible things.  Our worst is FAR better than their best and why have I not noticed or done something about it.  I'm not sure where God is leading my family in this journey (Well, that's not entirely true... I believe I know I'm just waiting on Him to tell my husband), but I do know that something has to be done; and why can't I be one doing something?!  God tells us over and over and over again, in His word, to care for the widows and orphans.  Why do so many christians just wait for someone else to help?  I think that everyone instantly thinks adoption is the only way; I don't believe everyone is called to adopt, there is so much more that can be done too.  I encourage everyone to pray about their personal call from God as to how they should/could/will help when it comes to these children.  Like I said, our worst is so much more than their best!

My prayer for my family is that God would match the desires of our hearts with His will for our lives.  I also pray that God would call John and I to the same commitments and choices and decisions for our family.  I read in a book recently ("Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker, I highly recommend it, it's AMAZING.  As well as her book "7") that "God uses women as the catalyst in much of His work.  Look in the scriptures. Look in our churches. It's the women who seem sensitive to God's Spirit; their intimacy with God is heightened to a level few men experience."  I'm having a hard time with that right now because I believe I have been called to these children but I'm not sure that my husband has been or will be.  I pray daily for God to align the desires of our hearts.  I'm just waiting on His perfect timing!  It's like I'm stuck at the top of a roller coaster and I really don't know if it's going to go backwards or forwards.  I've been sitting here for so ling now sometimes I feel like I've been forgotten about up here. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that God's timing is perfect; I'm just having a really hard time being patient, waiting for the next door to open, or sign to start blinking as to which way I'm supposed to go.  

As I re-read this it sounds like a bunch of jibberish, like I'm not sure which way is up or down.  Well, in all reality, right now, in this part of my heart...  I'M NOT!!!!  

Like I said before, I wanted a way to journal my feelings.  It may not make total sense but I'm going to keep it all here; and if the world chooses to read it then they can try to make sense of it if they want, or they can just laugh at all of my seemingly nonsense!

I'm going to eventually start at the beginning of this story (hopefully sooner than later), but for now this is what's here today!

Until next time...