So, we've been informed that we are not allowed to post anything identifiable. I'm dying to share our story but it's going to be a little bit vague as far as details about our baby girl. When I can share detailed information specifically about her I will, but for now... To God be the glory!
On June 30 I received a call from our agency. I try not to answer those calls in front of the kids, just in case, I don't want them to assume anything or be hopeful. (After all, they've been waiting 18 months too!) Well, on this afternoon I was in the car and Jordyn was with me, but there was no way I wasn't going to answer it. I'll never forget those words. The girl at the other end of the line proceeded. "Joy, I have a little girl here..." (Heart into throat...) "She has a condition that's not on your list..." (Shear panic...) "But you guys have been waiting so long..." (good, it's not just me feeling like that...) "When your name came across my screen I just felt like I should try..." (BUT GOD!) After all those words, and my immediate thoughts as she said them, I of course asked what her "condition" was. "She has what they're calling "controlled seizures", epilepsy." (NO WAY, I can't do that. I left that off our list for a reason! Please don't say anything else, I can't do this. Wait, what does that mean?...) So I asked. "It means that she was diagnosed with epilepsy but her seizures are being controlled. They have been controlled for 18 months." (Still, complete panic and near terror...) "Would you like to view her file?" (haha, no way...) I told her I'd need to talk with my husband because this was something that was very scary for us. (At least I've warned her, and given us a way out...) "That's perfectly fine. Please feel no obligation, especially since it's not a condition on your list." (Thank goodness, she'll understand...)
To be honest. It crossed my mind to not even call John. I was terrified!!! There's no way I could do epilepsy. (Hind-site, I know it was just the fear of the unknown but in that moment it was an absolute "not a chance"). Obviously I wasn't not gonna call John. I did but was very negative, and not excited, and totally giving him the ok to say no, without actually saying it. We agreed to talk about it when he got home, we had til 8:00 our time to decide.
I got home that afternoon and decided to google epilepsy. After all, if you want to be scared to death about something, and need to be reassured about your fear and "NO", then where else would you look?! Yeah, that was a mistake. Nothing but "good news", the younger diagnosis occurs the more likely a person is to outgrow the condition and be weaned off medicine or live a completely normal, healthy life on medication. (Yeah, she was 5 months at diagnosis, not sure it gets a lot younger than that). I literally could find none of the fears that my brain had conjured up. How could this be?! Obviously I was a little consumed that day, by the time John got home I had decided (very cautiously) that how could we not at least look at her file. John and I barely talked about it when he got home, but he agreed (very cautiously) that we couldn't say no without looking. I called, at 7:55, and requested the file from our agency. I was very sure to let her know that we were VERY CAUTIOUS and not very sure of our feelings, but how could we say no without even looking...
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