Oh how amazing things have been around here. Our precious girl is still doing so well. We are happy, we are having fun, we are laughing, we are playing, we are doing all things good!
We have been very busy as well, traveling. JG's first Disney trip(s). We went one weekend to the main parks and 3 weeks later to the water parks. Oh what fun to watch her eyes light up. Experiencing all these things with her is like us experiencing them all over again for the first time. It's truly amazing.
And then it happens... We have such a hard time remembering how broken our precious girl is. We take for granted all the fun and joy and laughing.
And then it happens... We are in the midst of full blown laugh attack, joy filled, memory making, laughing and fun. Then a sudden outburst of huge crocodile tears. No warning. Not mad or pain kind of crying but straight up sad!
Or, we are doing every day, monotonous, daily activities. And suddenly there's quiet whimpering that turns into an all out cry fest.
Or, we are having fun playing and talking and meeting new people when suddenly theres a pause, a search for mommy or daddy, a sudden dash and quiet "no go bye bye" that accompanies a point to a new friend.
It's all SO heartbreaking. Yesterday Jordyn asked, "Mommy, why is she so sad?" (We had just experienced a time of unexplainable crying which Jordyn doesn't get to witness very often.) I explained that our baby girl is so happy and well adjusted and always smiling and laughing that we often forget that she's still a very broken little girl with lots of adjusting on the inside to do still. I told her we may experience these moments for a while, possibly forever. She quietly replied, "yeah, I guess it's only been 3 months. It's just so sad." Yes honey, sad is an understatement!
It breaks this momma's heart. At first I expected it. Of course it broke my heart, but I knew it was coming. I knew certain things that caused the outbursts. I knew topics and situations to avoid to help moments like that not happen. But, the more time that goes by, the less often they happen. And, we are in a new place of different things causing them. They are totally unpredictable. Sometimes all I can do is cry with her. Sometimes she won't let me touch her. Sometimes she won't get out of my arms. Sometimes it takes minutes of quiet talking or singing. Sometimes it takes just a wipe of a tear.
Her sadness breaks me. It makes me so aware of where she came from. How much she just needs love. How much I need to love her.
I'm so thankful that I get to be her mommy. That we get to be her family. That we get to be the ones to show her love, to show her God's love. To teach her how to trust, how to love, how to know Christ. Lucky is an understatement. Blessed beyond imagine. Honored and humbled. Beside ourselves.
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